i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize