haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
