I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize