hell yes lets make some ravioli
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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