You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
