I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
