Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
