If i come over, it means nothing
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
