got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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