we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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