He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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