My balls are so social today.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
