Buhtt sex?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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