i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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