as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
