Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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