so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
