You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
