direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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