your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
