Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
