Your face is a jimmy john
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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