Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
