Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
