32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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