I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
