I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
