if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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