Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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