also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
