can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
