drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drake has all the answers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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