Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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