somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
