Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
