Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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