I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
