So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize