Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
