My hair reeks of homosexuality.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
