I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
