oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
