the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need water and some morals
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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