halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
