Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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