My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
