i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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