Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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