And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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