i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
