THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
