Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
