When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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