why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
