As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
