My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
