Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
