There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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