he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's great music for shaving your balls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
