why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
