The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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