Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize