mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
