you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
