Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Farmville is her only friend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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