you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
