She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
