So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
