you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
