I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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