my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
